CD 10 already? What?

Wow. Where has the last 10 days gone? I've already finished Clomid Round 2 and am now just waiting on the ever elusive ovulation. This cycle has been a little different for me. Maybe it's a good thing. I am usually so OCD about what CD I'm on and could tell you at any given time during any given day exactly what CD it was. This time I almost forgot to even start my Clomid on day 5! And I had a brief moment of panic the other morning after temping because I honestly just didn't know what CD it was. I to pull up my FF mobile app to check before I could even take a shower.

I'm not sure what to attribute this "I don't give a crap" attitude to. I think I'm a little upset with Clomid Round 1. It wasn't all I hope it would be. I expected good things from Round 1. And I got good things...my prog was right where it needed to be...but I didn't get *the* good thing. So why would Round 2 be any different? We aren't doing anything new. We aren't doing anything different. So come on, Round 2, surprise me. Throw me for a loop. Do something because so far I'm unimpressed. (Is that a word?)

In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed

So here I am again. CD3. Just biding time until I begin Clomid Round 2. Sad that there's yet another BFN. Sad that AF is back for her regularly scheduled visit. Sad that Clomid was not the miracle drug I was hoping it was. Sad that I'm not one of those who is "extra fertile" right after a miscarriage. Sad that I'm not finding out the gender of the baby that I should be having 6 months from now. Grumbling because I have to go to work. Crabby because the lunch at school was not what I wanted. Cranky that I'm slammed with work and it just keeps piling on me. Extra cranky that DH picked up an extra game this week and will now be gone every single night leaving me home by myself.

So I'm sitting at work listening to KLOVE through my computer and this song comes on. I'd never heard it before and I don't remember what it's called or who sings it, but basically its about lifes minor annoyances...losing your keys, losing your phone, getting a speeding ticket, etc and how these things drive us crazy. And this one line has stuck with me all day: "In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed." That kinda just smacked me right between the eyes. What in the world do I have to be crabby about? I mean, really? In the big scheme of things...

I am blessed beyond measure. I have a GREAT life. Yes, AF is here, but she did come right on time. I don't have to take Provera to kick start her. I have a normal cycle length and don't have to wait 60 something days to even get another chance at trying again. I still have all my babymaking parts. As far as I know they are healthy and not eaten up with cancer. Obviously something isn't clicking exactly right, but then again, I *did* get pregnant once, so surely it can happen again. Clomid didn't get me pregnant, but it did for sure make me ovulate and that's all that it was expected to do. Yes, I had a miscarriage, but it was an early loss. I can't imagine what some of the girls I've met through FF must have experienced to have losses at 11 weeks, 16 weeks, and even 22 weeks. I didn't even have to have a D&C. It stinks that I have to go to work every day, but I have a really good job. I get paid a nice amount of money. I am good at what I do. And for heaven's sake, my lunch is FREE. No, it wasn't Flying Burger, but it was FREE. My sweet husband is working his tail off(don't feel bad for him...he LOVES it) so that we have money to put in saving for either 1) more drastic measures of getting a baby such as IVF or on a more positive note 2)diapers, clothes, furniture, strollers, etc for when we get our baby. Yes, I'm home alone, but look at what a beautiful home I get to hibernate in. How in the world can someone with all these things going for them forget to remember how big she is blessed?

I'm out

So I waited very patiently until today to test. And I expected good things. Instead I got a visit from Aunt Flow. Gee thanks. At least she was right on time and didn't keep me waiting. And she hasn't really even caused me the usual painful cramps. Or maybe I was just too busy dealing with the crazy things that work was throwing at me that I didn't notice the cramps.

So. CD1. Again.

Clomid Round 2 here I come. I had *real* coffee today instead of decaf. I went to the gym and ran my miles without concern for my heart rate. I took a nice long hot bath when I got home from the gym. So hot that my skin turned red.

Now my legs are mad at me. I guess about the running. Cause they sure are hurting! I was kinda taking it wasy with the working out last week in case I was pregnant. No excuse for taking it easy this week.

It really would have been nice to have an October baby. Matthew and I met and started dating in October. He proposed to me October 15th. I've always wanted an October wedding, but I didn't want to wait a year to get married, so that idea got scrapped in favor of the whole St. Lucia things (good choice!). So it would be fitting that we had a precious addition to our family in October. Not to mention October is the begining of basketball season and any child born after Oct and before March will pretty much be fatherless until the season is over. Which means, I would pretty much be a single parent to a newborn for the first 5 months of it's life. Not the optimal situation, but definitely acceptable. I will accept a baby at any time God is willing to give it!

Is this fever blister a sign?

After lunch today, I noticed a little fever blister popping up on my nose. It hurts like the devil. Every time I accidently brush it with my hand, it like needles poking my nostril. But I'm very excited to see this fever blister! The last time I had a fever blister was in October, right before I found out I was pregnant. Could this be a good sign for this cycle?

10 dpo and counting

I keep thinking that if we were successful this cycle and I am preggo, shouldn't I be feeling some sysmptoms by now? Some little hint that there is something different going on. I did have some slight cramps today that kinda felt a little like AF is coming, but it's a little too early for that. I should have at least a couple more days. No sore boobs. No nausea (thank goodness). Nothing. I am a little tired today, but I'm chalking that up to the nasty dreary day and not sleeping good last night.

Oh well, I can live with no symptoms as long as I am also living without AF!!

Progesterone Party at my house!

The nurse called with my b/w results. My prog was 41. So now we wait. The nurse said, "Well, now one of two things will happen. Either you will start your next cycle or you won't. " LoL. Really? She went on to add, "But we are all hoping that you won't!" which I thought was nice of her.

That definitely means I ovulated. They look for 15 or above for a medicated cycle, so I'm well over the 15. Now we just pray that AF stays far away. Until then, I will WAIT...and expect GOOD things!

Hurry up and wait some more

So I'm coming back to my motto for the year: Wait....and expect good things.

Went this morning to get my 7dpo blood draw. The lab lady says it will be a couple of days before they know the results because they don't do that particular test in house. Bummer. Don't they know that us girls want to know this stuff right away? So we are waiting to see what my progesterone level is. I've read that for a normal cycle it should be 10+ but for a medicated cycle (such as my Clomid) it should be 15+. I feel fairly sure that it's higher than any of my previous cycles. My temps have never been this high at this point in my cycle. Not to mention that I've been having symptoms such as sore boobs and constipation that I'm blaming on the progesterone. It's way to early to be having "real" symptoms.

Our sermon in church yesterday was about having patience and learning to wait, about not jumping the gun. This seems to be a lesson that God is determined to teach me. So I have decided that I will not test until Monday. At that point I will be 14dpo and will be late for AF. It's my FF test date. I will not test until Monday. Maybe I will have two very pretty (and dark) lines. I will not test until Monday. This will be a test of my will power. I can do it. Remember my motto? WAIT. AND EXPECT GOOD THINGS.