Advanced Maternal Age

Well, as of yesterday, I am now a member of the dreaded AMA category.  Yep, I turned 35.  I know in real life, 35 is not really that old.  But in the life of an infertile 35 is ancient.  35 means I can be referred to a specialist.  35 means that I get special attention from the doc.  35 means that I get extra ultrasounds.  But 35 also means that my chances of getting pregnant just decreased significantly.  35 means that my chances of having a child with delays or disabilities increased significantly.  Lots to look foward too, huh? 

The witch has arrived.

Enough said. 

Talked to nurse today and she called in Clomid Round 3. Doc wants to up me to 100 mg. Not looking forward to that, but okay. Now I have 2 little pills to take.  And twice the misery around O time?  I asked about a referral to an RE, and she told me about the clinic they refer to. It's the same one I looked at online last night. She said that if this cycle doesn't work, they will be happy to refer me and it only takes about 2 weeks to get an appointment. That isn't bad at all. I feel better knowing there is a "back up" plan if this round doesn't work.  Back up plan is good. 

Nothing new.

My temp was still considerably high this morning, so I tested, but BFN.  Not even a little shadow of a line.  So I used another IC.  Still nothing.  So I stopped at Walmart on the way to work to buy a FRER just in case I got a bad batch of ICs.  But the FRER was stark white too. 

I thought that I might have had a tiny bit of spotting earlier in the day, but absolutely nothing since.  No cramps.  No other signs of AF.  My LP has never gone past 14 days except for the month I got a BFP.  Maybe the Clomid is extending my LP?  I'm sure tomorrow my temp will plummet and AF will arrive.

I looked up Fertility Clinics in my area today.  My doc told me we'd only do 3 rounds of Clomid and then she would refer me to a specialist.  And I guess I'll go ahead with round 3, but I want to go ahead and get the other ball rolling in case there is a wait time to get an appointment.  I'd hate to finish round 3 with no results and then have to wait another 6 months just to get an appointment with an RE.  I emailed a clinic in Little Rock that doesn't require a doctor referral, and I plan to call a clinic in Shreveport tomorrow.  I'm not sure if the one in Shreveport is in my network, but I've heard good things about the doc there.  I'm interested to see if I get an email back from LR. 

Until then I guess I'll just hang out and wait on AF. 

tomorrow is the day

'm not feeling hopeful.  I don't have any symptoms.  No signs.  I thought that my temp was on its way down on my chart, but then this morning it went back up just a tiny bit.  It's still well above cover, but I know that doesn't mean anything.  It can plummet below that red line in a heartbeat.  If it's still up in the morning, I'll test.  If not, I'll know AF will be visiting tomorrow and then it will be on to Round 3. 

I really don't want to see Round 3.

And the results are in....

7 dpo progesterone level is: 48.5

Holy smokes!  That's even higher than last time!  The nurse sounded very excited.  I asked her if it was possible for it to be too high, and she said no.  She also said, "There's a very good chance that you could be pregnant, so we will just wait and see."  I know she meant to be encouraging...they've been through a lot with me, but I kinda wish she hadn't said that.  Up until this point I had not let myself get excited or even think about the possibity, simply because it's so disappointing when AF comes again.  Every time.  If AF doesn't come by Wednesday I'll test then.  That will be 14 dpo.  Until then, I'm trying not to think about it.  Ha!  Yeah right!

Feeling just as normal as can be.

Today I am 8dpo.  Had my prog blood draw yesterday, and I have to brag on the lady at the lab.  She and I are getting to be good friends.  She asked if I was coming in for a beta, and I told her no, just progesterone.  She said, "Aw.  I really wanted to be checking to see if you were pregnant."  Ha!  Me too!  Maybe next week.  How sad that even the people in the lab are pulling for you.  How sad that I've been there enough that they know the in's and out's of my reproductive life.  Anyway, she got all my blood and I never even felt her poke me!!!  That is the first time ever in my life that I had blood taken that I didn't feel the needle.  Did I tell you how awesome she is????

Hopefully I can find out the results sometime tomorrow.  They don't do that test in house, so they have to send it off.  I don't feel any different than usual though.  Not one single little symptom.  Not a twinge, not a prick, not a cramp.  Not even a sore boob.  Although, all the other cycles that I've felt "something" turned out to be nothing, so maybe nothing will turn out to be something!

My weekend has disappeared again!

Tomorrow is Monday.  Again.  I have to go back to work.  Again.  And then starts the busy week.  Again.  I love my weekends. 

I guess I'll be calling the nurse tomorrow to schedule my 7DPO bloodwork to see what Clomid has done to me this cycle.  I honestly don't feel any different after ovulation.  Except the fact the pain and swelling and heaviness is gone.  Thank goodness.  But no pregnancy symptoms.  I know it's still incredibly early, but usually by now my brain is going crazy coming up with all sorts of stuff that could be considered a symptom.  I'm holding out to test until the 24th.  That's a littel over a week, but there's been so much going on in my life that maybe I can stay busy and not think about it.

On a happier note, I had such a great day with DH today.  Afternoon Sunday school we went to Texarkana to celebrate our 1 year anniversary!  We had a most awesome lunch at Olive Garden.  I could eat those breaksticks all day long.  Then we went shopping and I got a new pair of running shoes, some every day New Balance shoes, two pairs of capri pants, a new shirt, a bag full of Bath & Body Works, and a new box of K-cups for my Keurig!  And then we went to see The Green Hornet 3D.  Very entertaining movie, and I just love the 3D.  And since I was hungry on the way home, we stopped at Taco Tico to get some something to go. 

Taco Tico holds many fond memories for me.  When they were still in town, every Sunday they had tacos 3 for $1.  I can remember many a Sunday sitting in church and my sis and I writing notes and passing them to my mother asking if we could please stop and get a 6 pack of tacos on the way home from church!  And most times we did!!!  Oh, and let's not forget the time that I walked to Taco Tico from the junior high for lunch, wrapped my retainer in a napkin, and threw it away.  My mom and I spend quite awhile digging around in Taco Tico trash until we found it!  LoL.  Taco Tico, I miss you!

Clomid is not my friend.

After feeling so absolutely rotten for several days, I have finally ovulated.  Ah, Clomid you are not my friend, but I will keep you around as long as I need too.  I don't appreciate you making me gain 6 pounds overnight.  I already stuggle with my weight and I do not need any help packing on pounds.  Cupcakes are a much more pleasant way to gain weight.  I also don't appreciate you making my insides so swollen and sore.  For two whole days I could not bend over, sit down, or lay on my stomach without great discomfort!  Not to mention the fact that on the "green days" I really need to be spending some quality time with my sweet hubby.  You make me so swollen and sore and miserable that I don't even want him to touch me!  And I'm pretty sure you were to blame for that very emotional and angry outburst around midnight the other night.  Well, truth be told, dear hubby might have played a small part in that also.  Did you also cause the horrendous headache and extreme sleepiness?  I understand that my body obviously needs a kick start since it is unable to do what it is supposed to without you, and maybe it is just as stubborn as the rest of me, but if you and I are forced to spend more time together next cycle, could you please not kick as hard?  Please don't be offended if I tell you that I hope I am through with you for good! 

I got blog awards! Woo hoo!

Thank you Alli! (Great name by the way!)

The Rules of accepting the awards are:

1.) Thank and Link back to the blogs that gave you your awards

2.) Share seven things about yourself.

3.)  Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.

4.) Contact the bloggers to let them know you've given them an award.

So here we go!

1.  Thank you to Alli over at Are You Sure You're Doing It Right?  I have never received a blog award before, so thanks for giving me my first!  She has just started her blog, but bless her heart, she's been on the TTC journey for almost 2 1/2 years.  Alli, I'm sorry that you are stuck on this seemingly neverending journey with me, but I look forward to reading more on your blog.  I hope that soon your blog turns into a 9 month pregnancy journal!!  So, if you haven't visited Alli's blog, go check it out.  If you have been TTC for any amount of time, you will identify with her posts and find yourself laughing and saying, "OMG, that is so me."

2.  Seven things about me.  Even though I got 2 awards, I'm only gonna share 7 things.  I mean, there aren't really that many interesting things about me...

1.  I have 5 dogs.  Yes, 5.  They all live inside my house.  Yes, inside.  I love them.  :-)

2.  Not many people in real life know a) that we are trying to have a baby or b) that I had a miscarriage in November.

3.  I am addicted to cupcakes.  I eat them a lot.  I can't help it.

4.  I number my socks.  (I think that I might be a little OCD)  Each pair of socks has a number so that when I'm doing laundry I can easily match up the socks that go together.

5.  I sometimes worry that God put me in the field of special ed to prepare me for having a baby with speical needs. 

6.  I like my job, but I would rather work from home or be a stay at home mom.

7.  I am not a social person.  I don't have tons of friends, I don't like parties, I don't go out all the time.  I would rather be at home with my husband than out with friends. 

8.  I hate talking on the phone.  I would rather text, email, or chat online.  (see #7)

Yeah, I know that's 8 things, but I was on a roll.  :-)

3.  Nominate 15 recently discovered great bloggers.  Wow.  This may be a tough one.  There are so many great blogs that I follow.  Here goes! 

1.  CD1 Again

2.  Fast Waters Run Shallow

3.  Fervently Wishing

4.  Firefly Dreams

5.  I "Just Relaxed." It Didn't Work.

6.  In Pursuit of Parenthood

7.  My Life and Thoughts

8.  Team Baby

9.  The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own

10.  Under Construction

11. Burger Bump 2 Baby Bump

12.  Chasing Mommyhood

13.  High Five

14.  Hip Chick's Guide to PMS, Pregnancy, and Babies

15.  So, What's the Big Deal?

Another snow day please!

Back to work today after a wonderful long weekend thanks to the beautiful snow that we got on Friday. I've heard lots of grumbling about having to make up days and not wanting to be stuck at home, but I LOVED being stuck at home and watching the snow fall. It's not very often that we get snow in south Arkansas let alone snow that sticks for a minute! The dogs and I enjoyed playing in it and then relaxing inside. Now they're saying another "winter storm" is heading our way for Wednesday. I say bring it on!

My sweet hubby even got to be home with us as they closed the bank at noon on Friday. I was so excited that my "green days" were on the weekend, but so far no positive OPKs yet. Today is CD15 and so far I've not ovulated past CD16. I feel like it's coming though. Today I've felt rotten. My head has be pounding, my tummy is queasy, I've been dizzy and just feeling yuck. I'm ready to be in the 2ww again! Come on ovaries, spit the egg out already.

I must have TTC amnesia

I had intended to start OPKs on CD11. That was today! And I forgot to even take one to work with me!!!! That is so not like me! I know I didn't miss anything today, I've never O'd this early, but still I can't believe I forgot my OPK. AND I didn't even freak out when I remembered that I didn't have one. I didn't call DH and convince him to bring me one. And I didn't do one when I got home. Maybe my mind is forcing me to chill out some.

Or maybe it's just full of other stuff. Work has been topsy turvy and doesn't seem to be getting better any time soon. Plus, I've been on "weather watch" trying to see if we might possibly get some snow and have another snow day. How nice that would be!!

CD 10 already? What?

Wow. Where has the last 10 days gone? I've already finished Clomid Round 2 and am now just waiting on the ever elusive ovulation. This cycle has been a little different for me. Maybe it's a good thing. I am usually so OCD about what CD I'm on and could tell you at any given time during any given day exactly what CD it was. This time I almost forgot to even start my Clomid on day 5! And I had a brief moment of panic the other morning after temping because I honestly just didn't know what CD it was. I to pull up my FF mobile app to check before I could even take a shower.

I'm not sure what to attribute this "I don't give a crap" attitude to. I think I'm a little upset with Clomid Round 1. It wasn't all I hope it would be. I expected good things from Round 1. And I got good things...my prog was right where it needed to be...but I didn't get *the* good thing. So why would Round 2 be any different? We aren't doing anything new. We aren't doing anything different. So come on, Round 2, surprise me. Throw me for a loop. Do something because so far I'm unimpressed. (Is that a word?)