So here I am again. CD3. Just biding time until I begin Clomid Round 2. Sad that there's yet another BFN. Sad that AF is back for her regularly scheduled visit. Sad that Clomid was not the miracle drug I was hoping it was. Sad that I'm not one of those who is "extra fertile" right after a miscarriage. Sad that I'm not finding out the gender of the baby that I should be having 6 months from now. Grumbling because I have to go to work. Crabby because the lunch at school was not what I wanted. Cranky that I'm slammed with work and it just keeps piling on me. Extra cranky that DH picked up an extra game this week and will now be gone every single night leaving me home by myself.
So I'm sitting at work listening to KLOVE through my computer and this song comes on. I'd never heard it before and I don't remember what it's called or who sings it, but basically its about lifes minor annoyances...losing your keys, losing your phone, getting a speeding ticket, etc and how these things drive us crazy. And this one line has stuck with me all day: "In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed." That kinda just smacked me right between the eyes. What in the world do I have to be crabby about? I mean, really? In the big scheme of things...
I am blessed beyond measure. I have a GREAT life. Yes, AF is here, but she did come right on time. I don't have to take Provera to kick start her. I have a normal cycle length and don't have to wait 60 something days to even get another chance at trying again. I still have all my babymaking parts. As far as I know they are healthy and not eaten up with cancer. Obviously something isn't clicking exactly right, but then again, I *did* get pregnant once, so surely it can happen again. Clomid didn't get me pregnant, but it did for sure make me ovulate and that's all that it was expected to do. Yes, I had a miscarriage, but it was an early loss. I can't imagine what some of the girls I've met through FF must have experienced to have losses at 11 weeks, 16 weeks, and even 22 weeks. I didn't even have to have a D&C. It stinks that I have to go to work every day, but I have a really good job. I get paid a nice amount of money. I am good at what I do. And for heaven's sake, my lunch is FREE. No, it wasn't Flying Burger, but it was FREE. My sweet husband is working his tail off(don't feel bad for him...he LOVES it) so that we have money to put in saving for either 1) more drastic measures of getting a baby such as IVF or on a more positive note 2)diapers, clothes, furniture, strollers, etc for when we get our baby. Yes, I'm home alone, but look at what a beautiful home I get to hibernate in. How in the world can someone with all these things going for them forget to remember how big she is blessed?
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This post is awesome! I have a terrible tendency to grumble away, when I know perfectly well that compared to a lot of people my life is pretty dang fantastic. Thanks for the timely reminder! You had the song on the radio to jolt you and I have you! So THANKS!
ReplyDeleteIt is so easy in the midst of all of this to forget all the blessings we have in our lives. What a great reminder to look around and see the good!
ReplyDeleteYep, sounds like you have a pretty awesome life! Sometimes we think that other people's lives are so much better/happier than ours, but we don't realize that they're looking at us thinking the same thing!
ReplyDeleteLove your post! I think we all tend to forget to pause and take it all in sometimes... overall, things are pretty good :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck with Clomid round #2!