Friday, December 10, 2010

I am cranky. And frustrated. And mad. And hurt. And resentful. And bitter.

And I could keep going. This is my venting place, so I'm getting it all out here in the hopes that it won't all spill out into real life. I just found out that one of my co-workers is pregnant. This is not a person that I particularly like in the first place, so I'm having a really hard time dealing with it.

This girl is lazy and manipulative. She already has one child she doesn't take care of. The daddy of that one is in drug rehab. She was overhead asking another co-worker if they knew where she could find some cocaine. She does the minimum amount required in order to keep her job. She will stab you in the back in a heartbeat. She was also overheard telling another co-worker: "I'm gonna have a baby by ****** because he's gonna be a doctor and we'll have it made."

I have said "I'm gonna have a baby by my HUSBAND" a thousand times and it hasn't worked for me. I have been trying for 7 months to get pregnant. The one time that I did manage to get pregnant, I had a miscarriage. (which is still pretty fresh in my mind and in my heart) After said miscarriage, my body has decided to go haywire to further complicate things. I still don't know if I'm gonna ovulate, and if I do when it will be. I don't have any clue if my dear Aunt Flow will be showing up on time. And if she doesn't I don't have any idea when she will show up if at all.


Ok. Now. Please say a prayer for me. Please pray that I can work on my attitude cause right now it stinks. Please pray that I can remember that God is in charge of my life that he has it all mapped out for me. Please pray that I can remember how blessed I am by having a wonderful husband who loves me and takes care of me and that I don't have to pick random guys to "trap." Please. Just pray for me.


  1. I definitely know where you are coming from. I have said that prayer for the both of us!

  2. Praying for you and holding you in my heart. You will walk through this, no matter how it seems right now. Whenever I can't stand someone I always pray for them every night until I let go of the anger. I know it sounds nuts, but it has worked many times for me. When I try to genuinely wish good things (all the things I want for myself) upon the person I can't stand, the anger and bitterness that is poisoning me lets up. Stay strong and hang in there.

  3. darling alli,
    it would have annoyed me anyway, but knowing where you work it annoys me sooo much more the read this... i mean really?
    but my friend katelin and I, we have this same conversation every ultrasound day it seems. when girls come in pregnant and they don't even care, they aren't even trying to clean up for this baby. and then the woman comes in who so desperately wants to have a baby and we can't find a heart beat... for the second time. we hate it, we don't understand it.
    i thought about you today in church when my pastor was talking about his and his wife's fertility problems. he talked about the pain and anguish they went through when she was unable to conceive, and they couldn't understand why. if i understand right, she never did, both of their children are adopted. it seemed as if he was saying 'don't lose hope' he said that if he had the option to go back and change it, and take away the pain he wouldn't do it, because God has a plan and a purpose for their family. things will not be easy for us, because we are christians, but we can not let it rob us of our joy.
    don't let these problems define you, it is not who you are. i love you and when i read these things it really does hurt my heart, i am angry with you, and i believe that it is a righteous anger at that woman who would trap men, get pregnant, and then drug her self, and her child, and that she does not care for the child she already has. but your friend randi is right, and we should be praying for this woman, that she will find Jesus and see the error in her ways. i will be praying for your heart too...