Sunday, December 12, 2010

Baby Steps

Thank you girls for responding to my last post and for the prayers. I am much better today. Not so angry. But still a little bitter. And most definitely annoyed. I am not looking forward to going to work tomorrow, but at least I know I only have to work 4 days and then I'll be out for Christmas break!

I have found that spending time with my DH makes me feel better than anything. We spent the day at a basketball tournament yesterday. He reffed 2 games and then watched the rest with me. When I'm with him, I remember how blessed I am to have such a wonderful person to share my life with. He's here with me because he loves me and wants to be here. When we finally do have a baby, it will be because we both planned for it and wanted it. Not because I needed a way to keep him here with me. Not because he feels obligated.

He told me today that I have no business being jealous and envious of a stupid, trashy, whore. Now, I know that's a strong word, and we don't really know her heart, but we do know all the guys that she has been with in the last year. Anyway, there is no guarantee that this guy will stay with her and make her life be the fairy tale she has it all worked out to be in her head. DH said that we should jusst keep on and pray that our time will be soon, but if our time never comes, at least we have each other and a relationships that has it's own sturdy foundation that is not based on a surprise pregnancy.

And he is right. However, that doesn't make it hurt any less to watch her belly grow over the next nine months. Or to have to listen to her talk about the pregnancy & baby. Or to see the cute maternity clothes she gets to wear. Or to hear all the staff ooh and aah and coo over everything baby related. Ugh.

Obviously there is still some bitterness. BUT, I do believe that I can go to work tomorrow and not be in danger of punching her in the face. Baby steps, right?

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