If this were a "normal" cycle, AF would have been schedule to arrive today. She didn't show. Yesterday I got really excited because after my walk, I went to the bathroom and had a little spotting. I just knew that she was here, so I put on a pad and went about my business. I did find it strange that I never had any cramps. I always have cramps. When I went to bed last night, the pad was clean and I was still cramp free. Today, still no sign of AF. There has been some question about when exactly I ovulated (if I did) so I'm really not sure where I am in my cycle. According to FF software, I could either be 11DPO which would mean that yesterday could possibly have been implantation spotting. Or I could be 5DPO which would mean that the spotting yesterday was just crazy spotting. So again I wait.
And as I wait I wonder if God likes to toy with us sometimes. I was thinking about this earlier when I was joking with my 11 year nephew about getting him a baby doll for Christmas. I was so convincing and he just kept protesting. I knew all along that I wasn't getting him a baby doll for Christmas. I'm getting him exactly what he told me he wanted. But kidding with him about it is good natured fun.
My parents used to do that same thing when I was little. There was always that ONE thing that I always wanted for Christmas. I would be happy if I could get that one thing. And my parents would warn me that they didn't have the money for that thing. They didn't want me to be diappointed when I woke up Christmas morning and didn't have that ONE thing that I was so set on wanting. They tried to suggest other things, cheaper things, that maybe would make me happy instead. And all along they were planning and working to make sure that I got that ONE thing.
So maybe God is like that. He's teasing me a little. He knows how bad I want that ONE thing. He knows that eventually I'm going to get that ONE thing but He's making me sweat it a little. And that's okay. When you try to get your mind ready to not be disappointed and feel that there's no way that it will happen, when it does, it's that much more exciting. And that much more of a moment to treasure. So I'm just waiting on my moment.
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Ugh - it's so frustrating when AF won't show and you need her to! Hang in there and she'll come if and when she's ready.
ReplyDeleteI personally think God has a way of knowing exactly what is right at the right time. My theory is, keep praying and asking so that He knows that when He blesses you, He's going to make you very happy.
Good luck with the Clomid this cycle - are you taking 50, 100, or 150 mgs? I took it for 4 months - let me know if I can help by sharing any of my experiences (although, women's experiences can vary). Sounds like you may have a question of whether or not you're ovulating, and with Clomid, I always confirmed ovulation each month. My advice: use OPKs (I have a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor that I LOVED) so you can confirm the date of O. Good luck, happy holidays, and XOXO!