Liven up your costume!

I have always loved the month of October. Maybe because to me it signals the real beginning of fall. Maybe because Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. Or maybe just because it starts the beginning of what I call the "Holiday Season." Around this time every year, I get out my fall decorations and Halloween pumpkins. And it's time to start thinking about a Halloween costume! This year Zenni Optical can help you take your costume to the next level with their Zenni Optical Halloween eyeglasses. There are several different frame colors and shapes or even lens tints to choose from. These orange and black ones are my favorite! ZenniOptical is the #1 online eyeglasses store offering high quality prescription eyeglasses from $6.95. They take great pride in offering high quality eyeglasses at truly unheard of affordable prices. If you're looking for the perfect frames to match your Halloween costume, hurry over to Zenni Optical and place your order to ensure Halloween delivery! **This is a paid post for Zenni Optical through SponseredReviews.com

Come see my new blog!

Okay, so I know that I have been neglecting this blog in the worst kind of way. But I started a new blog over on Wordpress. I wanted to not only keep a personal journal of my journey but also try my hand at reviews and giveaways. It's not earning me enough money to quit my day job (unfortunately!) but I have gotten some pretty cool products. Anyway, come follow my new blog Healthy Housewife Files to keep up with how my pregnancy is going and to have the chance to win some cool products!

12 weeks and 2nd OB appointment

Yay for finishing the first trimester and moving right in to the second with flying colors! We had our 2nd OB appointment today and it went really well. It was really short...we sat in the waiting room longer than we were actually with the doctor. We heard the heartbeat which was awesome because it was much louder with their machine than it is on mine. I showed her where I had been finding it and she found it right away. It was in the 150s. I have gained ZERO pounds!!!!!!!! She was so proud of me. (Remember she told me it wouldn't hurt me to lose a few pounds.) My bp was great and my sugar was great! I love my doc. She ended the visit by giving me a hug and saying, "I'm so excited that you're feeling good and that everything is going so well for you!"

Best Moment of the Week:Definitely hearing the HB on the doctor's Doppler.

Entertaining Comment/Question of the Week: Can't really think of one. DH has made any funny comments lately. He's been working too much. :-(

Obsession: Still popsicles. And SweeTarts. Mmmmmm!

What I Am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Vacation! We are heading out to Branson, MO on Saturday. A whole week away from work and every day bothersome things.

What I Miss the Most: Sleep is still at the top of this list. However, i have greatly enjoyed being off work this week so that I can take as many naps as I want to!

Symptoms: Still feeling really good! I do seem to get full really fast when I eat and hungry more often, which has led to eat less more frequently. Maybe that has helped with the no weight gain!

11 weeks

Best Moment of the Week: Definitely this would be hearing the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler that I ordered off eBay. It took me forever to find the HB because I really didn't know where to look or what I was listening for, but when I found it, I knew exactly what it was! What a cool sound!!!

Entertaining Comment/Question of the Week:These all come from sweet DH. The other night we came in from dinner and he said, "Do you think we're ready for a baby?" Uhm....too late to worry about that now!!

Obsession: Still digging the popsicles. Cool and refreshing in this nasty heat!

What I Am Most Looking Forward to This Week:This is actually not even baby related, but I am most looking forward to being out of school for our 2 week summer break. Friday is my last day of work for awhile and it cannot get here soon enough!!

What I Miss the Most: Still sleep. Will I ever sleep again???? Between dogs wanting to go out, not being able to get comfortable, and having to pee all the time sleep is just not happening for me.

Symptoms: I seem to be one of the fortunate ones who doesn't have a lot of symptoms. I have had a few nauseous moments (mostly from eating too much) but cannot say that I have experience morning sickness at all. I am most definitely still tired, but there have been many days lately that I haven't needed a nap to get through the day. Yay for being so close to 2nd trimester!!!

10 weeks

Wow. We are 25% of the way to a new baby! At times, it seems like it is going by too fast, but at other times it seems to take forever to get to my week milestones. I'm so excited to be in double digits now and getting sooo close to sliding in to the 2nd trimester.

Best Moment of the Week: Hmm. Maybe being hungry again. And being able to eat without wondering if it will all come back out later. I still have not experienced full blown "morning sickness" but I have had a couple of overwhelming waves of nausea and not been interested in food. Even food that I normally love. That seems to be getting better now though.

Entertaining Comment/Question of the Week: This would be courteousy of my dear husband while walking through the baby section of Walmart. Me: "That's a Pack N Play. We'll need one of those." DH: "What for?" Me: "To take to the lake with us or on vacation or to our parents house so the baby can take a nap and not have to be on the floor." DH: "We don't need one of those. We aren't going anywhere until the baby is at least 3. That means we won't need a stroller or a car seat either." He has a lot to learn about babies.

Obsession: Popsicles. So refreshing!

What I Am Most Looking Forward To This Week: I bought a Doppler on eBay and I can't wait until it gets here so I can try to find the heartbeat. Hopefully the Doppler will be easy to use and the heartbeat easy to find so that I don't stress out about not hearing it!

What I Miss the Most: Sleep. Still. And I know this is just the beginning.

Symptoms: I'm still really tired after work each day and need a nap most nights. I'm so excited that my bloating seems to be getting a little bit better. Other than that, I'm still pretty much symptom free. Still praying it's a huge blessing and not a sign that something is wrong.

Bright Beginnings Formula

This is a Sponsored post written by me on behalf of PBM Products for SocialSpark. All opinions are 100% mine.

I have always just known that when I had kids I would breast feed.  As an Early Childhood major, all of my early development classes stressed the advantages of breast milk over formula.  And  on paper there's no way you can argue that it's best for baby to have breast milk.  However, I know that there are certain circumstances that are out of our control that may completely derail our plans to breast feed.  For example, when my sister had my nephew, her milk never came in.  You can't feed a baby if there's no milk there!  She had no choice but to use formula.  Some women have trouble getting the baby to latch on correctly and end up using formula to make sure that the baby is getting the nutrition that it needs.  So while, I plan on breastfeeding this little one, I know that there is a chance that I will end up needing formula.

With so many different brands out there to choose from, how do you know which one is best?  Or which one will agree with your baby?  One brand is Bright Beginnings.  Bright Beginnings is now available to buy on diapers.com.  There are several different varieties such as Organic, Soy, Premium, and Gentle.  You can choose a single can or a 6 pack.  Right now www.diapers.com has free shipping on these products as well as a coupon code for 10% off for new customers. 

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9 weeks

Again, yes, I realize that I totally skipped over 8 weeks. I believe I might have slept through week 8 as well as week 6. I can barely keep my eyes open once I get home from work. We finally had our first OB appointment after a long and anxious wait. I was so excited that she did an ultrasound to help ease my mind and see that yes, I really am pregnant, and yes, things really are fine!

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing our little jelly bean's heart flashing away!

Baby is measuring right on track and growing like he/she should. Because of my age, I have to go to Little Rock for a Level 2 ultrasound just to make sure that all is well. I'm actually very excited about this because we'll get to see our little one in detail!

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: My Dad's response to our news was, "I wonder if it will have 2 legs or 4. Everything other living thing at your house has 4."

Obsession: Chocolate milk, chocolate ice cream, & chocolate milkshakes. YUM!

What I Am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Every week I just look forward to making it to the next week. I am estatic to be at 9 weeks!!! But in the back of my mind I always know that anything can happen at any time.

What I Miss The Most: Sleep. Definitely. I wonder if I will ever sleep a whole night through again. It's difficult to find a comfortable position and I can only sleep for a couple of hours at a time before I have to pee!

Symptoms: I am so tired! Every day. Even when I first wake up. I have to take a little nap when I get home from work in order to make it til 9pm. My house is a wreck because I don't have energy to do anything! And this bloated up belly! Wow. I look like I'm least 4 or 5 months along. I'll be glad to reach the 2nd trimester so maybe this bloat will ease up some!

7 weeks

Yes, I am well aware that I completely skipped over 6 weeks. I'm pretty sure that I napped pretty much all the way through week 6. Sorry! But here is the latest update! Time is still dragging by as we wait for our very first OB appointment. We still haven't told anyone in real life other than a couple of my close friends who have followed our journey very closely.

Best Moment of the Week: Shopping for and trying on maternity clothes! My jeans and shorts absolutely will not button! I tried a bella band, and it works for most times, but there are some shorts/pants that it just won't stay put. So I have busted out the maternity shorts to wear to work. My XL work shirts cover up my belly for the most part, but it won't be long before people will start noticing. I'm sure that most of my belly at this point is just bloat as the baby is only the size of a blueberry.

Entertaing Question/Comment of the Week: Hmm. Nothing really entertaining being said this week. But I expect that will change as soon as we start sharing the secret with others!

Obsession: Looking in the mirror to see if I have a real bump or just an extra roll of fat!

What I Am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Definitely our doctor's visit and hopefully an ultrasound showing a beating little heart. That will make me breathe a small sigh of relief. My biggest fear is that I will go in to my appt and the doctor will have me pee on a stick and it will be negative and they will wonder what kind of psycho I am thinking I am pregnant all this time.

What I Miss The Most: Working out at the gym. I know that it is perfectly safe and normal and even good for me to work out, but I am still paranoid. I hope that after visiting with the doctor, she will help to put my mind at ease and I can get back into my gym routine. I have been doing Prenatal Yoga and Prenatal Pilates DVDs at home so I am at least getting some exercise.

Symptoms: Still T-I-R-E-D! My boobs have quit hurting and aren't quite so sore. I had a couple of days of on and off mild queasiness but (knock on wood) no full blown morning sickness. I am thankful for that, but in the back of my head I can't help but wonder if that means things are not developing like they should. And the newest: constipation! Ugh! I'm trying to drink lots of water, eat healthy, and do my exercises to help keep things moving, but so far I've not been too successful.

5 weeks

Already! This week went by pretty quickly and for that I'm glad! It still feels like the time until my first appt is dragging by so slowly! We still haven't told anyone in real life other than the same select few friends. It's so hard to be around our families and not share our news though! I can't wait until we can spill the beans.

Best Moment of the Week: Getting my box of maternity clothes in the mail from Old Navy! We're going to Branson this summer and I needed cute stuff to wear. I picked things that are high waisted and flowy, because I won't really be showing by then, but I won't be able to wear my normal shorts & jeans either.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: I was talking to a coworker earlier in the week and we were discussing our husbands. I told her that DH told me that I had been extremely cranky lately, and she asked "Are you pregnant?" Uhm, yeah! But I didn't tell her that. I just kind of blew the comment off. :-)

Obsession: My Baby Center app on my phone. It gives me a fact/tip every day. At lunch I *have* to read my fact/tip!

What I Am Most Looking Forward to This Week: Making it past 5w4d. That's the day I had my miscarriage the last time, so I think that if I can get to 5w5d I will feel so much better!

What I Miss the Most: Sleeping all the way through the night! I have a hard time getting comfortable since I am used to sleeping on my stomach. And I wake up to pee around 3am or 5am (or both!) every night. I guess this is God's way of preparing me to get up with the baby!

Symptoms: Still very tired. I took a personal day Friday to work on my transcription class and had to take a 2 hour nap after lunch! Still have a strong aversion to the smell of oranges. One of the children opened his orange juice and the smell almost did me in. I had to stand on the other side of the room until he finished it! And a new addition to the list: indigestion! I've always heard that if you have indigestion, then your baby will have a lot of hair. We'll have to see if this turns out to be true!

4 weeks

I'm excited to have made it this far!!! And I hope I have many, many more weeks ahead. We are still not telling anyone in real life. My first OB appointment is May 26th. Hopefully we can do an u/s and then have pictures as visual aids when we do tell. Doc is keeping me on the progesterone. She says it can't hurt. I know that it may have absolutely nothing to do with anything, but in my mind it is what's making everything okay, so I appreciate them indulging me.

I'm going to steal the format for my weekly updates from Mrs. D. simply because I like it. :-) I've been following her story and have enjoyed reading her updates hoping that I may some day be able to follow in her shoes. Thanks for all the encouragement Mrs. D.!

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing that precious word "Pregnant" on the digital test! And knowing that these lines are so much prettier than the ones I had with my last pregnancy.

Entertaining Question/Comment of the Week: None yet since really no one knows. However, I did find it highly entertaining that my husband evidently feels that pushing a buggy around Walmart is too strenuous for a newly pregnant person. He almost fought me in the store when I tried to push. LoL!

Obsession: The 13 positive tests on the bathroom cabinet. I look at them everytime I go into the bathroom just to convince myself that it is real. I also pee on a test every morning just to verify that the line is still there and is still dark.

What I am Most Looking Forward To This Week: Making it to 5 weeks. And I know this is going to sound crazy, but I'm looking forward to more symptoms. I never really had any with my other pregnancy and look how that turned out. Some symptoms might help to convince me that everything is okay.

What I Miss The Most: My afternoon cup of coffee. I have read in many places that caffeine can be blamed for some miscarriages. I definitely do not want to do anything that might possibly cause me to miscarry again, so I will have 1 cup of coffee in the morning and NO MORE!

Symptoms: I do have some symptoms. I am extremely tired. I went to bed last night in the midst of all the tornados and storms. I'm am usually glued to the numerous weather radars and websites watching the storms because I am so fascinated by them. I have had a little wave of nausea here and there. Yesterday when a co-worker was eating an orange the smell of it almost sent me over the edge, and then again this morning before breakfast, but once I got something in my stomach it was okay. I'm not really a big fan of throwing up, so it will be okay if that's NOT one of the symptoms. :-)

It's starting to sink in

Now that the initial shock has worn off and our happy Easter news is starting to sink in, I'm a little nervous. For several reasons.

1. It is so freakin early! This could just be a chemical and I could start my period at any time.
2. We really don't know what caused my miscarriage last time. I am on progesterone supplements, but what if it was genetic?

If you read my blog and know me in real life, please keep our secret. So far only DH and a few choice friends know the news. We haven't even told our families and probably won't for awhile. For several reasons.

1. It is so freakin early!
2. We really don't know what caused my miscarriage last time.

I only made it to 5w3d last time. I imagine my OB won't even see me until at least 8 or 9 weeks. That is still so long away. I called the RE this morning, but they were closed for Good Friday. He mentioned wanting to do some tests (not sure what) if we got a positive, so I guess I will wait to hear from him on Monday. There's nothing really to do to sustain the pregnancy other than progesterone which I am already doing, so if it isn't going to last, there is nothing I can do about it.

I am extremely paranoid considering what I went through last time, but I have decided that I am going to try to relax and enjoy every minute that I get to be pregnant. Whether that is 1 day, 5 weeks, or an entire 9 months. I hate that a m/c can take so much of the joy out of any pregnancies that may follow. I told DH and he didn't seem very excited. When I told him that his response was, "Well, I got excited last time and ended up even more disappointed." I can certainly understand where he is coming from.

So any prayers from any of you would be greatly appreciated!

and the Easter bunny came early!

This is what he brought:

Hoping for an Easter egg!

Sunday I will be 12dpo.  I'm hoping to see two pretty pink lines.  I feel pregnant.  I'm wiped out by 5pm.  Can hardly keep my eyes open.  My back is killing me.  Have not slept good the past 3 nights.  These, of course, are not only pregnancy symtoms, but also symptoms/side effects from the Prometrium (which by the way was not as bad as I thought!)  I would love to see a positive test, but at least I know that if I see a negative I will at least have the assistance of the RE on the next cycle!

This is the longest cycle ever!

I am ready to 1) be pregant or 2)know I'm not pregnant and move on the the RE's plan.  Obviously choice #1 is my favorite of those two, but knowing how my luck works it isn't the most likely.  I *think* that I might have ovulated.  I had pos opks for the past 2 days and felt some minor ovulation pain night before last.  I really thought that my temp would jump up this morning, but no such luck.  Hoping to see that jump tomorrow. 

I went to the pharmacy yesterday and picked up my Prometrium prescription.  Did I mention that they are suppositories?  That ought to be interesting.  I'm to take them at night.  Supposedly it's less messy.  Hopefully they won't make me sick and they will get my progesterone numbers where they should be since I'm not doing Clomid this cycle.

After 14 days of Prometrium, I test.  If positive we all sing and dance and say Hallelujah.  If not, we fuss and stomp and cry and call the RE to set up CD3 testing for both me and Matthew.  I sure would enjoy a good song and dance.  :-)

and the RE says.....

Wow. What an overwhelming day. We left around 8am and got back home around 7pm. I got to do lots of shopping and lots of eating and had a great time with DH. But man, our visit with the RE left us both with wide eyes and spinning brains. I loved the RE. He's from Guatemala and has an acccent so you have to really concentrate on what he says. He had an emergency surgery, so he was late to our appt and apologized profusely for keeping us waiting (only about 30 minutes) on our first visit. He went over all the records from my gyn and previous tests as well as my FF charts. He told us in detail how IUIs and IVF works and in what situation he would want to use them. He told us we had excellent insurance but that we have $15,000 lifetime for infertility and we want to make sure that we use that in the best way we can.

He wants to do another SA for DH because for diabetics morphology is a concern an his last SA didn't measure that. He did an ultrasound of my uterus to measure it. Said it's normal and my lining was thin but prob due to being at the beginning of my cycle. Then he did a vaginal ultrasound to look at my ovaries. In my left ovary I had 5-6 follies with one looking really nice. Then he poked and prodded and dug around but couldn't find my right ovary. I was extremely alarmed, but he didn't seem concerned. He said that if my bladder had been a little more full he might have seen it easier or that sometimes ovaries are sitting up high????? Anyway, then we went back to his office and he gave us our options

1. come back tomorrow for an HSG and schedule another SA to measure mophology then move forward with timed intercourse for this cycle and start with CD3 baseline and IUI for next cycle.

2. continue this cycle as is and start fresh with CD3 b/w, HSG, SA and IUI next cycle if we don't get a BFP. He gave me a Rx for prometrium to take during the 2ww so that prog will be where it needs to be

We chose #2 because I couldn't go back tomorrow.  Plus, he says that the 1st month off clomid is notorius for BFP and maybe we will get it by ourselves without having to go through more testing.

All in all I feel good with what we discussed. I wish I could have done the HSG today.  He said that if he hadnt been running late, he could have gotten me in. I'm very concerned about the lack of finding my right ovary. He told me that he could tell I was upset about it but not to worry because it could just be because my bladder was empty. He said we'll look again next time. Wow. What a lot of info! Gotta let it all process for awhile.

Tomorrow is the day!

I'm so excited about my appointment tomorrow.  I've got the new patient packet (all 11 pages-front and back) filled out in a folder with all my insurance info, all my charts, and a list of questions I want to ask.  When they called to confirm my appt, the lady said she had checked my insurance benefits and wanted to let me know that I would be responsible for the 20% that insurance didn't pay.  WOO HOO!  I was so afraid I would be responsible for 100% that insurance didn't  pay.  Yay for insurance!  That took a huge load off of my shoulders. 

One of the questions in the new patient packet is:  What do you expect to gain from this visit?  Hmm.  A baby????  Yes, in the end, but probably not in this visit.  So how about, uhm, I don't know, A PLAN!  Yes, a plan would be great!  Preferably a plan that does NOT include Clomid.  I'm mad at dear Clo Clo and need a break from her. 

I probably won't be able to sleep tonight due to excitement and nervousness.  Prayers for me please. 

We're off to see the RE!

After another disappointing cycle, my doc agreed to refer me to a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  I really figured that we'd have to wait at least a month to get an appointment, so you can imagine my surprise when she called and told me my appointment is THIS Tuesday.  I'm beyond excited.  I figure that this first appt will be a "get to know you" type deal where we discuss our history and look at all my b/w, charts, etc.  Hopefully though, we can come up with a plan to find out what is going on and what needs to be done about.  I was hoping to get my new patient packet in the mail today, but it wasn't there.  Maybe tomorrow. 

Spring break has arrived!

I am so excited to say that I am finally on spring break!!!!!!!!!!!  I plan to fully enjoy my week.  I have a whole stack of books calling my name. 

Sunday we are going to Bossier to was the first round NCAA regional.  I was over the moon happy to find out that my Lady Techsters will be playing!  Can't wait to cheer for my girls again. 

I will be going to get my 7dpo prog test before we leave town.  I hate that it falls on a Sunday because that means I have to check in through the ER and they don't always know what they are doing in there.  Hopefully I can get the results back by Wednesday.  I'm not sure what to expect this time.  I don't think that my prog is as high this cycle as the last 2.  My temps  have not been even close to as high this time and they've been a flatline.  Someone suggested that maybe I needed a new thermometer, but it has different temps at other times during the day, so I don't think that's it.  Maybe the fact that this chart is different is a good thing?

Sick Day

I got up this morning, took a shower, had a cup of coffee, and then called in sick.  I have a bajillion sick days because I hardly ever use them.  I'm saving them in case I need to take lots of trips to RE.  (translation for Mandy:  reproductive endocrinologist)  But today, I just have to use one.  I feel WAY better than yesterday, but still have some soreness.  I just didn't feel like chasing kids.  Still hurts a little bit to move, and I don't even want to try to put on clothes.  So, I went back to bed, slept a few more hours, and now am lounging on the couch in my night shirt with the dog.  I prob could have made myself get up and go, but I think I will use my hard earned sick days to relax and let the sperm and egg have a very calm and quiet environment in which to meet up!

I still don't like Clomid

So finally yesterday (CD 17) I get my postitive opk.  Ovulation seems to get later every cycle.  I was really hoping for a temp jump today but no such luck.  And then this afternoon about 4, the pain started.  It's a constant ache with sharp stabs of pain every now and then.  Like every time I try to stand up.  Or change position.  Or breathe.  This is like the worse AF cramps I've ever had.  Times 10.  I did manage to cook supper, but could hardly sit at the table to eat.  My sweet hubby cleaned up the kichen for me so I could go back to the couch.  If I wake up and I still hurt like this, I'm not going to work.  I can't.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a new (and better) day!

CD 10 and the living is easy

Downed the last of the clomid yesterday, so now just waiting to see what kind of pains and swelling I'll experience this cycle.   Guess I'll start with the opks tomorrow.  Keeping my fingers crossed that my ovaries don't explode.  Trying to power through this cycle knowing that either 1) I'll get a BFP, or 2)I'll get to see an RE and try something else that will work!

New Purex Complete Crystals Fabric Softener

Okay, so I'm calling on all my blog friends to help me out for a minute.  Your job is really easy.  I just need you to visit Purex and check out their new product.  It's fabric softener that's in the form of crystals.  The crystals are 92% natural and don't use oils to soften your clothes like liquid fabric softeners do.  If you click on the Purex Facebook page, you can get a $1.00 coupon by clicking on the welcome tab and entering your email address. 

Not only is this a great product, but they're also doing a contest (with a $$ prize) to see who can bring the most visitors to the Purex page.  By clicking the link above, you can help me to win the contest!!!!!!!!!!

Advanced Maternal Age

Well, as of yesterday, I am now a member of the dreaded AMA category.  Yep, I turned 35.  I know in real life, 35 is not really that old.  But in the life of an infertile 35 is ancient.  35 means I can be referred to a specialist.  35 means that I get special attention from the doc.  35 means that I get extra ultrasounds.  But 35 also means that my chances of getting pregnant just decreased significantly.  35 means that my chances of having a child with delays or disabilities increased significantly.  Lots to look foward too, huh? 

The witch has arrived.

Enough said. 

Talked to nurse today and she called in Clomid Round 3. Doc wants to up me to 100 mg. Not looking forward to that, but okay. Now I have 2 little pills to take.  And twice the misery around O time?  I asked about a referral to an RE, and she told me about the clinic they refer to. It's the same one I looked at online last night. She said that if this cycle doesn't work, they will be happy to refer me and it only takes about 2 weeks to get an appointment. That isn't bad at all. I feel better knowing there is a "back up" plan if this round doesn't work.  Back up plan is good. 

Nothing new.

My temp was still considerably high this morning, so I tested, but BFN.  Not even a little shadow of a line.  So I used another IC.  Still nothing.  So I stopped at Walmart on the way to work to buy a FRER just in case I got a bad batch of ICs.  But the FRER was stark white too. 

I thought that I might have had a tiny bit of spotting earlier in the day, but absolutely nothing since.  No cramps.  No other signs of AF.  My LP has never gone past 14 days except for the month I got a BFP.  Maybe the Clomid is extending my LP?  I'm sure tomorrow my temp will plummet and AF will arrive.

I looked up Fertility Clinics in my area today.  My doc told me we'd only do 3 rounds of Clomid and then she would refer me to a specialist.  And I guess I'll go ahead with round 3, but I want to go ahead and get the other ball rolling in case there is a wait time to get an appointment.  I'd hate to finish round 3 with no results and then have to wait another 6 months just to get an appointment with an RE.  I emailed a clinic in Little Rock that doesn't require a doctor referral, and I plan to call a clinic in Shreveport tomorrow.  I'm not sure if the one in Shreveport is in my network, but I've heard good things about the doc there.  I'm interested to see if I get an email back from LR. 

Until then I guess I'll just hang out and wait on AF. 

tomorrow is the day

'm not feeling hopeful.  I don't have any symptoms.  No signs.  I thought that my temp was on its way down on my chart, but then this morning it went back up just a tiny bit.  It's still well above cover, but I know that doesn't mean anything.  It can plummet below that red line in a heartbeat.  If it's still up in the morning, I'll test.  If not, I'll know AF will be visiting tomorrow and then it will be on to Round 3. 

I really don't want to see Round 3.

And the results are in....

7 dpo progesterone level is: 48.5

Holy smokes!  That's even higher than last time!  The nurse sounded very excited.  I asked her if it was possible for it to be too high, and she said no.  She also said, "There's a very good chance that you could be pregnant, so we will just wait and see."  I know she meant to be encouraging...they've been through a lot with me, but I kinda wish she hadn't said that.  Up until this point I had not let myself get excited or even think about the possibity, simply because it's so disappointing when AF comes again.  Every time.  If AF doesn't come by Wednesday I'll test then.  That will be 14 dpo.  Until then, I'm trying not to think about it.  Ha!  Yeah right!

Feeling just as normal as can be.

Today I am 8dpo.  Had my prog blood draw yesterday, and I have to brag on the lady at the lab.  She and I are getting to be good friends.  She asked if I was coming in for a beta, and I told her no, just progesterone.  She said, "Aw.  I really wanted to be checking to see if you were pregnant."  Ha!  Me too!  Maybe next week.  How sad that even the people in the lab are pulling for you.  How sad that I've been there enough that they know the in's and out's of my reproductive life.  Anyway, she got all my blood and I never even felt her poke me!!!  That is the first time ever in my life that I had blood taken that I didn't feel the needle.  Did I tell you how awesome she is????

Hopefully I can find out the results sometime tomorrow.  They don't do that test in house, so they have to send it off.  I don't feel any different than usual though.  Not one single little symptom.  Not a twinge, not a prick, not a cramp.  Not even a sore boob.  Although, all the other cycles that I've felt "something" turned out to be nothing, so maybe nothing will turn out to be something!

My weekend has disappeared again!

Tomorrow is Monday.  Again.  I have to go back to work.  Again.  And then starts the busy week.  Again.  I love my weekends. 

I guess I'll be calling the nurse tomorrow to schedule my 7DPO bloodwork to see what Clomid has done to me this cycle.  I honestly don't feel any different after ovulation.  Except the fact the pain and swelling and heaviness is gone.  Thank goodness.  But no pregnancy symptoms.  I know it's still incredibly early, but usually by now my brain is going crazy coming up with all sorts of stuff that could be considered a symptom.  I'm holding out to test until the 24th.  That's a littel over a week, but there's been so much going on in my life that maybe I can stay busy and not think about it.

On a happier note, I had such a great day with DH today.  Afternoon Sunday school we went to Texarkana to celebrate our 1 year anniversary!  We had a most awesome lunch at Olive Garden.  I could eat those breaksticks all day long.  Then we went shopping and I got a new pair of running shoes, some every day New Balance shoes, two pairs of capri pants, a new shirt, a bag full of Bath & Body Works, and a new box of K-cups for my Keurig!  And then we went to see The Green Hornet 3D.  Very entertaining movie, and I just love the 3D.  And since I was hungry on the way home, we stopped at Taco Tico to get some something to go. 

Taco Tico holds many fond memories for me.  When they were still in town, every Sunday they had tacos 3 for $1.  I can remember many a Sunday sitting in church and my sis and I writing notes and passing them to my mother asking if we could please stop and get a 6 pack of tacos on the way home from church!  And most times we did!!!  Oh, and let's not forget the time that I walked to Taco Tico from the junior high for lunch, wrapped my retainer in a napkin, and threw it away.  My mom and I spend quite awhile digging around in Taco Tico trash until we found it!  LoL.  Taco Tico, I miss you!

Clomid is not my friend.

After feeling so absolutely rotten for several days, I have finally ovulated.  Ah, Clomid you are not my friend, but I will keep you around as long as I need too.  I don't appreciate you making me gain 6 pounds overnight.  I already stuggle with my weight and I do not need any help packing on pounds.  Cupcakes are a much more pleasant way to gain weight.  I also don't appreciate you making my insides so swollen and sore.  For two whole days I could not bend over, sit down, or lay on my stomach without great discomfort!  Not to mention the fact that on the "green days" I really need to be spending some quality time with my sweet hubby.  You make me so swollen and sore and miserable that I don't even want him to touch me!  And I'm pretty sure you were to blame for that very emotional and angry outburst around midnight the other night.  Well, truth be told, dear hubby might have played a small part in that also.  Did you also cause the horrendous headache and extreme sleepiness?  I understand that my body obviously needs a kick start since it is unable to do what it is supposed to without you, and maybe it is just as stubborn as the rest of me, but if you and I are forced to spend more time together next cycle, could you please not kick as hard?  Please don't be offended if I tell you that I hope I am through with you for good! 

I got blog awards! Woo hoo!

Thank you Alli! (Great name by the way!)

The Rules of accepting the awards are:

1.) Thank and Link back to the blogs that gave you your awards

2.) Share seven things about yourself.

3.)  Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.

4.) Contact the bloggers to let them know you've given them an award.

So here we go!

1.  Thank you to Alli over at Are You Sure You're Doing It Right?  I have never received a blog award before, so thanks for giving me my first!  She has just started her blog, but bless her heart, she's been on the TTC journey for almost 2 1/2 years.  Alli, I'm sorry that you are stuck on this seemingly neverending journey with me, but I look forward to reading more on your blog.  I hope that soon your blog turns into a 9 month pregnancy journal!!  So, if you haven't visited Alli's blog, go check it out.  If you have been TTC for any amount of time, you will identify with her posts and find yourself laughing and saying, "OMG, that is so me."

2.  Seven things about me.  Even though I got 2 awards, I'm only gonna share 7 things.  I mean, there aren't really that many interesting things about me...

1.  I have 5 dogs.  Yes, 5.  They all live inside my house.  Yes, inside.  I love them.  :-)

2.  Not many people in real life know a) that we are trying to have a baby or b) that I had a miscarriage in November.

3.  I am addicted to cupcakes.  I eat them a lot.  I can't help it.

4.  I number my socks.  (I think that I might be a little OCD)  Each pair of socks has a number so that when I'm doing laundry I can easily match up the socks that go together.

5.  I sometimes worry that God put me in the field of special ed to prepare me for having a baby with speical needs. 

6.  I like my job, but I would rather work from home or be a stay at home mom.

7.  I am not a social person.  I don't have tons of friends, I don't like parties, I don't go out all the time.  I would rather be at home with my husband than out with friends. 

8.  I hate talking on the phone.  I would rather text, email, or chat online.  (see #7)

Yeah, I know that's 8 things, but I was on a roll.  :-)

3.  Nominate 15 recently discovered great bloggers.  Wow.  This may be a tough one.  There are so many great blogs that I follow.  Here goes! 

1.  CD1 Again

2.  Fast Waters Run Shallow

3.  Fervently Wishing

4.  Firefly Dreams

5.  I "Just Relaxed." It Didn't Work.

6.  In Pursuit of Parenthood

7.  My Life and Thoughts

8.  Team Baby

9.  The Journey to a Little One to Call Our Own

10.  Under Construction

11. Burger Bump 2 Baby Bump

12.  Chasing Mommyhood

13.  High Five

14.  Hip Chick's Guide to PMS, Pregnancy, and Babies

15.  So, What's the Big Deal?

Another snow day please!

Back to work today after a wonderful long weekend thanks to the beautiful snow that we got on Friday. I've heard lots of grumbling about having to make up days and not wanting to be stuck at home, but I LOVED being stuck at home and watching the snow fall. It's not very often that we get snow in south Arkansas let alone snow that sticks for a minute! The dogs and I enjoyed playing in it and then relaxing inside. Now they're saying another "winter storm" is heading our way for Wednesday. I say bring it on!

My sweet hubby even got to be home with us as they closed the bank at noon on Friday. I was so excited that my "green days" were on the weekend, but so far no positive OPKs yet. Today is CD15 and so far I've not ovulated past CD16. I feel like it's coming though. Today I've felt rotten. My head has be pounding, my tummy is queasy, I've been dizzy and just feeling yuck. I'm ready to be in the 2ww again! Come on ovaries, spit the egg out already.

I must have TTC amnesia

I had intended to start OPKs on CD11. That was today! And I forgot to even take one to work with me!!!! That is so not like me! I know I didn't miss anything today, I've never O'd this early, but still I can't believe I forgot my OPK. AND I didn't even freak out when I remembered that I didn't have one. I didn't call DH and convince him to bring me one. And I didn't do one when I got home. Maybe my mind is forcing me to chill out some.

Or maybe it's just full of other stuff. Work has been topsy turvy and doesn't seem to be getting better any time soon. Plus, I've been on "weather watch" trying to see if we might possibly get some snow and have another snow day. How nice that would be!!

CD 10 already? What?

Wow. Where has the last 10 days gone? I've already finished Clomid Round 2 and am now just waiting on the ever elusive ovulation. This cycle has been a little different for me. Maybe it's a good thing. I am usually so OCD about what CD I'm on and could tell you at any given time during any given day exactly what CD it was. This time I almost forgot to even start my Clomid on day 5! And I had a brief moment of panic the other morning after temping because I honestly just didn't know what CD it was. I to pull up my FF mobile app to check before I could even take a shower.

I'm not sure what to attribute this "I don't give a crap" attitude to. I think I'm a little upset with Clomid Round 1. It wasn't all I hope it would be. I expected good things from Round 1. And I got good things...my prog was right where it needed to be...but I didn't get *the* good thing. So why would Round 2 be any different? We aren't doing anything new. We aren't doing anything different. So come on, Round 2, surprise me. Throw me for a loop. Do something because so far I'm unimpressed. (Is that a word?)

In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed

So here I am again. CD3. Just biding time until I begin Clomid Round 2. Sad that there's yet another BFN. Sad that AF is back for her regularly scheduled visit. Sad that Clomid was not the miracle drug I was hoping it was. Sad that I'm not one of those who is "extra fertile" right after a miscarriage. Sad that I'm not finding out the gender of the baby that I should be having 6 months from now. Grumbling because I have to go to work. Crabby because the lunch at school was not what I wanted. Cranky that I'm slammed with work and it just keeps piling on me. Extra cranky that DH picked up an extra game this week and will now be gone every single night leaving me home by myself.

So I'm sitting at work listening to KLOVE through my computer and this song comes on. I'd never heard it before and I don't remember what it's called or who sings it, but basically its about lifes minor annoyances...losing your keys, losing your phone, getting a speeding ticket, etc and how these things drive us crazy. And this one line has stuck with me all day: "In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed." That kinda just smacked me right between the eyes. What in the world do I have to be crabby about? I mean, really? In the big scheme of things...

I am blessed beyond measure. I have a GREAT life. Yes, AF is here, but she did come right on time. I don't have to take Provera to kick start her. I have a normal cycle length and don't have to wait 60 something days to even get another chance at trying again. I still have all my babymaking parts. As far as I know they are healthy and not eaten up with cancer. Obviously something isn't clicking exactly right, but then again, I *did* get pregnant once, so surely it can happen again. Clomid didn't get me pregnant, but it did for sure make me ovulate and that's all that it was expected to do. Yes, I had a miscarriage, but it was an early loss. I can't imagine what some of the girls I've met through FF must have experienced to have losses at 11 weeks, 16 weeks, and even 22 weeks. I didn't even have to have a D&C. It stinks that I have to go to work every day, but I have a really good job. I get paid a nice amount of money. I am good at what I do. And for heaven's sake, my lunch is FREE. No, it wasn't Flying Burger, but it was FREE. My sweet husband is working his tail off(don't feel bad for him...he LOVES it) so that we have money to put in saving for either 1) more drastic measures of getting a baby such as IVF or on a more positive note 2)diapers, clothes, furniture, strollers, etc for when we get our baby. Yes, I'm home alone, but look at what a beautiful home I get to hibernate in. How in the world can someone with all these things going for them forget to remember how big she is blessed?

I'm out

So I waited very patiently until today to test. And I expected good things. Instead I got a visit from Aunt Flow. Gee thanks. At least she was right on time and didn't keep me waiting. And she hasn't really even caused me the usual painful cramps. Or maybe I was just too busy dealing with the crazy things that work was throwing at me that I didn't notice the cramps.

So. CD1. Again.

Clomid Round 2 here I come. I had *real* coffee today instead of decaf. I went to the gym and ran my miles without concern for my heart rate. I took a nice long hot bath when I got home from the gym. So hot that my skin turned red.

Now my legs are mad at me. I guess about the running. Cause they sure are hurting! I was kinda taking it wasy with the working out last week in case I was pregnant. No excuse for taking it easy this week.

It really would have been nice to have an October baby. Matthew and I met and started dating in October. He proposed to me October 15th. I've always wanted an October wedding, but I didn't want to wait a year to get married, so that idea got scrapped in favor of the whole St. Lucia things (good choice!). So it would be fitting that we had a precious addition to our family in October. Not to mention October is the begining of basketball season and any child born after Oct and before March will pretty much be fatherless until the season is over. Which means, I would pretty much be a single parent to a newborn for the first 5 months of it's life. Not the optimal situation, but definitely acceptable. I will accept a baby at any time God is willing to give it!

Is this fever blister a sign?

After lunch today, I noticed a little fever blister popping up on my nose. It hurts like the devil. Every time I accidently brush it with my hand, it like needles poking my nostril. But I'm very excited to see this fever blister! The last time I had a fever blister was in October, right before I found out I was pregnant. Could this be a good sign for this cycle?

10 dpo and counting

I keep thinking that if we were successful this cycle and I am preggo, shouldn't I be feeling some sysmptoms by now? Some little hint that there is something different going on. I did have some slight cramps today that kinda felt a little like AF is coming, but it's a little too early for that. I should have at least a couple more days. No sore boobs. No nausea (thank goodness). Nothing. I am a little tired today, but I'm chalking that up to the nasty dreary day and not sleeping good last night.

Oh well, I can live with no symptoms as long as I am also living without AF!!

Progesterone Party at my house!

The nurse called with my b/w results. My prog was 41. So now we wait. The nurse said, "Well, now one of two things will happen. Either you will start your next cycle or you won't. " LoL. Really? She went on to add, "But we are all hoping that you won't!" which I thought was nice of her.

That definitely means I ovulated. They look for 15 or above for a medicated cycle, so I'm well over the 15. Now we just pray that AF stays far away. Until then, I will WAIT...and expect GOOD things!

Hurry up and wait some more

So I'm coming back to my motto for the year: Wait....and expect good things.

Went this morning to get my 7dpo blood draw. The lab lady says it will be a couple of days before they know the results because they don't do that particular test in house. Bummer. Don't they know that us girls want to know this stuff right away? So we are waiting to see what my progesterone level is. I've read that for a normal cycle it should be 10+ but for a medicated cycle (such as my Clomid) it should be 15+. I feel fairly sure that it's higher than any of my previous cycles. My temps have never been this high at this point in my cycle. Not to mention that I've been having symptoms such as sore boobs and constipation that I'm blaming on the progesterone. It's way to early to be having "real" symptoms.

Our sermon in church yesterday was about having patience and learning to wait, about not jumping the gun. This seems to be a lesson that God is determined to teach me. So I have decided that I will not test until Monday. At that point I will be 14dpo and will be late for AF. It's my FF test date. I will not test until Monday. Maybe I will have two very pretty (and dark) lines. I will not test until Monday. This will be a test of my will power. I can do it. Remember my motto? WAIT. AND EXPECT GOOD THINGS.

Finally Friday

Why is it that the "short" weeks seemed longer than the "normal" weeks???? I was so glad to see Friday. I sure did enjoy my snow days, and it sure did suck to have to go back.

I did finally ovulate and it seems like it was good timing! I can definitely tell a difference in my post-O temps this cycle. They've been higher than my post-o temps in any other cycle. I'm quite sure that the Clomid had something to do with that. I scheduled my CD21/7dpo bloodwork for Monday morning, so I'm anxious to see what the results of that are. The nurse said that it will tell us if I ovulated. I don't quite understand how it all works.

Monday will also mark the half way point until AF is scheduled to show up. I'm hoping she doesn't show up!

Free day!

What a fun and productive free day I've had today! AND I get another one tomorrow! Yay for snow days! I spent most of the day today working on my medical transcription class, and I feel like I made lots of progress. Then I finally got a postive OPK! Woo hoo! I was afraid that I had missed my surge, but I guess it was just a little later than I thought it would be.

So.....I was here at lunch when DH came home and managed to get a little baby dancing done! :-)

When we found out that we would be out today, they told us we would have to make it up on MLK day. I was really kind of cranky about that because DH is off that day and I was looking forward to having a day with him. I've now decided that I will not be cranky about working MLK day. I will go to work with a smile on my face because if I had to work today and not next week, I wouldn't have gotten the extra baby dance in at lunch seeing as how I can't leave for lunch when I'm working. I will work every single MLK til I die if being off today means that I can get my take home baby. What a story to tell the little one if I could say he was conceived during the snow/ice of 2011!!!!

Sleet day

What a perfect day we've had! Sleet started coming down as I was on my way to Sunday school. After Sunday, hubby called to say that church had been cancelled, so our after church lunch with his family had been moved up. Ate lunch with my in-laws then went home and got cozy! Put on flannel pjs, built a roaring fire, brewed some donut shoppe coffee with the Keurig, got the flannel blankie, snuggled on the couch with the dog and the hubby, did a little baby dance, watched a movie, and fixed a yummy pot of chili for supper!! I got word that school for me tomorrow is CANCELLED! Awesome! But it comes at a price...I will no longer get MLK day as a holiday. Oh well. You win some, you lose some! The sleet did finally change over to snow, although by the time it did, it was pretty much dark outside.

Still no positive OPK, but I think that maybe I might have missed my surge. Before my BFP in Oct, I always had 2 days of pos OPKs. I only tested once a day though, so if I had a short surge at night I wouldn't have caught it. If I have another high temp tomorrow FF will prob give me cross hairs. I think I'll do another OPK tomorrow out of curiosity though. If I do get my cross hairs, then it's on to another two week wait. And some 7 dpo bloodwork to see if the Clomid was my friend or not!

Really looking forward to my "free" day tomorrow, although I wish M would be home with me. He still has to go in to work. :-( I plan to spend most of my day working on my medical transcription class so I can hurry up and finish!!!




Just wanted to share a pic of my sweet little Pedro enjoying his snow day. :-)

Let it snow!

Spent most of today getting ready for the "big storm" that's coming (supposedly) tomorrow! Went to the grocery store this morning and got plenty of supplies. And some Eagle brand milk so I can make snow ice cream. Had DH bring up lots of wood and stack it all nice and neat by the door. Washed all our warm comfy clothes. Put flannel sheets on the bed. Stocked up on dog food. Got plenty of candles, magazine, books, and flashlights. Just in case. You never know. Got the camera ready to take some pretty pics.

Still no positive OPK today. Maybe tomorrow. Guess we'll do a little baby dance just to make sure! :-)

I made it throught the week!

Wow, I can't believe it's been a whole week almost since my last post. It's definitely been a busy week. I'm feeling much better about my job than I was at the first of the week, but I still don't like it. Oh well. No choice but to make the best of it for now.

Had a huge temp drop this morning and just knew I'd have a positive OPK today. No such luck. But I'm sure that it's a sign that ovulation is soon since it's very common for my temp to go down right before I ovulate. Something to do with a surge of estrogen right before the egg is released. How perfect that I'm expecting to ovulate on the weekend when DH and I are home together. AND it's supposed to snow this weekend, so we'll be all cozied up with the fireplace roaring. Hopefully, my friend Clomid has grown me some nice, pretty eggs.

Finally got up enough courage to take back the maternity shirts that I ordered from Motherhood Maternity online. Didn't want to keep them because they're long sleeved and hopefully I will get preggo and have a baby before I will need long sleeves again. So I walk into the store in the mall with my shirts and tell the lady that I need to return them. She pulls up a screen on her computer and starts typing. She asks my name and enters it and then says, "What's your due date?" Kinda threw me off for a minute, but I told her that I didn't have one. She kinda looked at me funny but typed some more on her little computer. Then she asked why I was returning the shirts. So I told her that I had a miscarriage and didn't need them anymore. She got a look of total panic on her face, and said, "Oh my. I'm so sorry." Well yeah. Me too. So she does a whole lot more typing and doesn't ask me any more questions. Thank you for that, because I didn't want to answer any more questions. I decided instead of getting my money back that I just wanted a gift card. The girl said that they don't expire, and I'm convinced I will need it again. When she handed me my gift card there was a coupon attached to it for a week in February that they are having a big promotion or something. The girl said, "If you come during this week in Feb and make a purchase then you have the chance to save extra % off. So I really hope that you can come back by then." I thought that was really nice of her. I hope that I can come back then too.

I did manage not to cry. Until I walked out and DH (who had been pacing back and forth in the store while I handled the return) said, "I'm sorry you don't have a due date anymore." Me too. But hopefully I will have a new due date soon. And besides, summer maternity clothes are WAY cuter than winter ones.

I dont wanna go back.

I want to be a stay at home mom. My five furbabies count, right? I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I'm dreading going back. I don't even want to go to bed because then it will be time to wake up.

I used to like work. But they changed my job all up starting tomorrow and I don't want it anymore. I liked it the way it was. I like my paycheck. So I guess I'll go to work and make the best of it tomorrow. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think.

I am currently training to be a medical transcriptionist. That's a job that I can do from home. I'll be finished with my training in May, and then if I find a job, I can stay home and work. I'm really looking forward to the time when that can happen.

Is that bad? I mean, I'm still paying on loans from grad school. But I want to stay at home with my kids should I ever be blessed with them.

wait....and expect good things

First of all, I totally stole that phrase from Randi's blog. Thanks Randi!

I think that I'll make this "my phrase" for the year. I don't really make resolutions because I don't believe they last. But I do think that I need to work on changing the way I view things.

Wait. What an incredibly hard thing to do. I have become a person who wants everything right now. Having to wait on anything is annoying. I hate wait for my page to load. I hate waiting in the doctor's office for my appointment time. What's the point of making an appointment when you still don't get seen until an hour after the appointed time. I hate waiting for the work day to end. I hate waiting for supper to be done. I hate waiting to save up enough money for my pool. I hate waiting. I get annoyed when having to wait. Which makes me not very nice sometimes. So maybe I need to just chill out and relax a little while I wait. Maybe I need to focus more on the things that I already have instead of waiting for something that I perceive to be better.

and expect good things This is another hard thing for me. If you expect bad things and you get good things instead, then you aren't disappointed. Your feelings aren't hurt. You don't get angry. You don't get sad. You aren't devestated. But it sure does make you have a negative outlook on life. And no one likes Negative Nancy. So I"m going to expect good thing instead. I'm going to quit sitting around waiting on the Clomid Crazies to hit. I'm going to be excited that I have had NO side effects so far and expect that those follicles are growing and just itching to get out of my ovaries and get fertilized. I'm going to expect that this time next year I will have a healthy happy new baby. It's possible! It can happen.

I will wait...and expect good things.